Thursday, June 30, 2005 at 12:34 PM
inner emotions
i had to get this out. but i hope he wont see this. i heard news about -HIM-. -HIM- who i thought i had forgotten. -HIM- who i could simply love all my life. as he was talking about -HIM-. i try to hide my uneasiness and i smile as i questioned about -HIM-. pretending that nothing about -HIM- matters to me. i was sitting there as he fade into the distance. i sat still dazing into the empty space. i realised i havent forgotten -HIM-. i fight back the emotions within me. i couldnt let him know that -HE- is still on my mind for i know he will be upset. i have always believe in letting the person you love go. all i want is for -HIM- to be happy because love is about seeing the person you love find happiness. and i know that -HE- has found his happiness. it time to move on. but why am i stuck here? i have been stuck here for so long without realising while he had already moved on. looking back. i was contented being together with -HIM-. i gave all that i could. it just felt so right. -HE- was just the one. or probably i thought so. not really an exciting but just a stable relationship. -HE- was all that i could ask for. i didnt blame -HIM- or anyone for the outcome. i merely accept it. as i try to put behind the trauma. one side of me is telling myself that -HE- isnt that great after all. unloyal and that attitude of -HIS-. i would be the party giving all the time and -HE- would be receiving. i try to convince myself that i wouldnt be happy in the long run. now that -HE- has found -HIS- happiness and got -HIS- desserts. someone more attitude than -HIM-. i should be happy. but the other side of me simply cant forget -HIM-. it's been so long. -HE- should have been out of my mind. i dont harbour any hopes. because i know it is never possible. but when the scar heal? when will the time comes when i no longer be interested in -HIS- affairs? i want to forget -HIM- even if it means forgetting the memories we once shared. regrets there will not be for i knew i treasured those times then. probably subconsciously i knew the outcome. all that is left now. but one thing for sure. i need badly to get -HIM- out of my mind.
loves
