i've always been afraid of losing someone cos i once lost someone very dear to me when i was really young. from then on, i've always reminded myself to treasure and cherish.
through the years, i've never been afraid to show i cherish the relationships i have with people i care. but i didnt realised that human nature tends to subconciously takes things for granted (which includes myself) and i have my fair share of being made use or taken advantage. sometimes i know it but i choose to brush it off cos the relationship means more to me.
three years after stepping into the working society really broadens my horizon, especially so being in the industry i am in. you see all kinds of people; fake, boot-lickers, backstabbers.. i finally understand what my friends mean when they always remind me to beware of my back and what i say. it might be late but never too late.
there are times when people just doesnt know how to appreciate and tell if someone is being sincerely nice. or maybe they know it and when they do, they either feel threatened for one reason or another, or they will make use of that little piece of information they have to make full use of it.
most of the time i give my fair share of effort, sometimes i try too hard. everyone likes to feel important. one day i stop to think, why should i bother so much if someone doesnt care. You make someone feel important in your life but the someone makes you feel tiny and unimportant. its sad but that's life. it takes both hands to clap, it will never work out with one party making the effort.
you say you want to be friends but how much effort have you put into the friendship? you're always too busy. each and every time i ask you out, you'll reject and the distance between us just pull further away. you reply me when you feel like it, you msg me when you're emo, times when you're all good and busy, i dont even hear a word from you, what am i? friendship doesnt come with a click of fingers, it takes effort like i've told you umpteen times. we are not friends just because you say we are.
there are certain things which i dont like to do but i do it because we are friends. i give too much in some, i receive too much in some. i have used my heart to think for most of my 23 years and its all wounded and tired now. not that i like it, if i had a choice, i wished i wasnt like that so I wouldnt be so vulnerable and unpredictable. so i'm just going to step back and see how thing goes from here. if its meant to be, it will be. trying too hard sometimes gets you nowhere..
