Tuesday, August 28, 2007 at 6:05 PM
the past
i turn back and i see a brown door.i hesistate to walk towards the door.bang! the door suddenly opensi felt a whoosh of stong windand a ray of light blind my eyesi tried to shield my eyes with my armsi looked deeper into the doorfoggy but somehow, i think i see myself cryingthen i hear echoes of a woman voice"she used to be together with john, james, daniel, wayne...""there was something going on between them""she was cheated of her feelings..."the surrounding started to spin.i shielded my ears from the voice."no.. no.. no! stop that!"i got so dizzy, i couldnt standglimpse of my past started flashing"lets break up!""i dont love you anymore."my heart ache, my tears rolling downthe hurt i've suffered coming back.the surrounding finally stopped spinningi looked up and the door i came through from had closedi tried to turn the knob but it wouldnt budgeno matter how hard i triedi walked towards the open door,to my past, my loneliness, my suffering, my tears.i woke up and sat up on my bed,my wet pillow beside,depressed.dont want to be reminded of the past,dont want to ever look back,dont want to live in the past..the wounds that healed seem to tear apart againwho is that woman?
the voice i heard.
she opened the door to my past
she stole my role and my words
whats her intention?
loves
Monday, August 27, 2007 at 11:48 PM
the donut craze
met up with angela after work as promised last week. we had dinner at chong qing steamboat. $15 for 2 soup base and free flow of drinks. no aircon though but i thought its worthwhile. the meatball is nice and the pork slices and fish slices and many more. i like the place cos it looks clean. as we were eating, we were also waiting for the bf, from 7pm to almost 9pm, our stomach were almost bursting la. i decided we shant wait anymore so i msged the bf.we walked to suntec, tower 4. my plan was to get royce chocolates, the nama chocolates. but they were closed when i got there at 9.12pm. *sad* anyhow, i saw donut factory on my way down the escalator when i was rushing to royce. since i didnt manage to get chocolates, i shall get donuts. the queue didnt look long and i was curious about the donuts when people can spend up tp 5 hours or so waiting to get their hands on them. i bought my donuts in less than 10mins. 3 boxes of 6, 2 boxes for my colleagues and 1 box for keong's family. its quite nice, but i really cant tell the difference between dunkin' donuts and donut factory. they taste pretty much the same to me, flavoured donuts with chocolate sauce, blueberry sauce, strawberry sauce, white chocolate, nuts.. .. a lil too sweet but i wont mind buying again if the queue isnt long. one of my colleague told me the donuts will taste better if you reheat it in the microwave. maybe can try next time.
loves
Sunday, August 26, 2007 at 11:19 PM
good food, good movie, good dessert
the bf and i spent half the day playing puzzle world on his psp. at 3+pm, we left home for tampines ikea. we walked around, look look see see, trying to see what i can get for my mum's place when i renovate the house. low-budget renovation. i also needed to get boxes to keep my books but the boxes were all so huge. its going to be tough bringing the boxes home on the bike so i decided not to get them anyway. next stop, we went to courts. somehow i think the structure of the building doesnt seem very smart. to go into courts store, you have to walk like half a round from the entrance. then.. from level one, to get to level two, what do you do? if you said take the lift or escalator in the store then you're wrong. i thought there must be an escalator or lift somewhere inside the store but no. i asked this uncle, who told me that i had to get out of this store and walk to the main entrance, before i can take the esclataor to level 2. how fabulous. and so i did, i walked out of the store, past the cashier counters and out the main entrance.we went to my mum's place to pack my clothes and dumped those unwanted ones. right after, we rushed to look for my mum. my mum made us vegetables, sotong and tom yum soup, which is like damn good la. shiokadoos! my mum is cute la.. keong and i were rushing to finish our food cos grace is waiting for us at the cathay. then, when we were almost done, she said shes making sotong. -_- argh~! 15 mins grilled for 15mins, finished in less than 5mins. we took the shortest possible time we could to get to ps. from ps, we ran all the way to the cathay. grace and cp were waiting for us at the snack counter. keong said the audience in the threatre are an emotional bunch. haha.after movie, time for dessert. i suggested ice cube at serangoon gardens. the alcoholics anoynomous (mudpie) is a must-try, rum and raisin ice cream on cookie base with caramel sauce, almond flakes and raisins. yummilicious!
loves
Saturday, August 25, 2007 at 11:32 PM
time for celebration~
i was still feeling quite sick yesterday morning, weak and restless. the bf brought me to see the doctor.in the evening, the bf dropped me to bugis before going to work. i went to get a cake for my beloved friend, took a moment to decide the cake. but at least i was more decisive. there was this group of ladies standing beside me and they looked a lil not so pleased when the cake was packed into the box. i thought they must be eyeing on that cake too. too bad! i made my way to clarity's cafe. there were so many people and we had to wait, in fact, i had to wait. but the service staff was nice enough to offer to keep my cake. i waited like almost an hour before reys and the rest arrived. we got a table shortly after. for a change, i had pasta with chunky cod fish, lots of them, in creamy tomato sauce. its pretty yummy, i must say. after the main course, we presented the birthday girl, reys with her mango cake. i swear if she could dug the ground and put her head inside, she will do just so. with that, we made our way to clarke quay. the plan was to go monkey business if im not wrong, but guess where we ended up. the same old place, clinic. the medicine i took earlier in the evening started to take its effect and i was struggling damn hard to keep myself awake. at 11pm, i decided that i cant hold on longer so i told reys that i'll be going home at 11.30am. before i could leave, chanel came, with a deck of cards. we started playing mafia, game after game. and i tell you i was damn "suei" la. i took the murderer card like 5 times throughout. by the time we stopped playing, it was already 3am. how fast! 4 hours ago, i said i want to go home. before i know it, clinic is already closing. i went over to rey's place to stay over till the bf came to pick me up at 9+am. while the bf was sleeping, i surfed the net, played online games and bought tickets to the evening preview movie of "ratatouille". a nice movie worth watching.
loves
Thursday, August 23, 2007 at 11:54 PM
thursday evening, i met up with cai feng in town. he was late as usual, an hour late in fact. we were supposed to meet up for dinner before watching a movie - secret. but we werent left with much time when he arrived so we packed subway. the entire day, i wasnt feeling very pink. i was having running nose and super dry irritating throat. i drank like more than 10 cups of warm water. i was munching on the sandwich while watching the show. every bite i take, my head throbbed, until a point i felt like puking. i excused myself and i went to the restroom. then i decided to go get medication. i so wanted to get out of there but the bf was still working. i had no choice but to go back to the threatre. finally, the show ended. i missed like more than 20 mins of the show but i think i still get the big picture. the bf and i went to swensens to get the cake i bought while waiting for cai feng. then we made our way to east coast park. by then, the medication had taken its effect, my head didnt hurt that much. we waited and waited for the birthday boy and the mastermind of this whole surprise to appear. when we finally saw them, i turned to keong and told him to quickly light the candles. the mastermind then commented that we talked too loud. damn farnie la..anyway, happy birthday jake!
loves
Tuesday, August 21, 2007 at 11:05 PM
moving..
i met up with reys at cafe cartel after work. keong came to join us shortly later. after our finger food and drinks, they accompanied me to my place to get my stuff. im moving in with my mum next month. we brought my stuff to my mum's place. the whole process took like 2 hours or so. all my stuff took up like the entire space in the car, leaving only enough space for us to seat.after the late workout, we went to aloha loyang. keong's colleague was having a party to celebrate his birthday. we stayed for like half an hour. a whole bunch of police officers, i felt like i was in good hands. haha.we sent reys back home before we returned the car and made our way home.thank you da ling and reys for helping me move room..! ;p
loves
Monday, August 20, 2007 at 11:46 PM
after work, keong came to fetch me, with the bike 40% repaired. we're just waiting for the floorboard to come before beckie's ride can have a new splash of paint. and then, it will look just like brand new. im thinking of making it 2 colours. the base can remain black and some parts can be maybe gold or white? still considering.. i have like more than 2 months to think about that.keong sent me to his workplace. i took over the ride from there. its the first time im riding after the minor incident, i thought i was perfectly fine with it but it seems like not. only when i started to ride, the phobia got to me. it feels as though the first time im riding. maybe its bcos i havent ride in awhile and beckie's ride didnt feel quite the same. the brakes have been changed and its harder to press, apparently cos the spring is still new and it might be just me, but one side felt heavier.merely few meters travelled, i nearly kissed the arse of the car in front. i was concentrating on the side mirror cos i thought i saw a bike in my mirror. i wanted to see where he was and make way for him. when i return my vision back to the front, i realised i was so near the car in front and i jammed my brakes. i managed to stop in time but half of my guts were gone. because of the sudden braking, i think that bike behind me had to brake hard as well. i looked into the mirror, searching high and low for that bike and i saw him on my left, looking alil pissed off. the traffic was worse than bad..after struggling for half an hour, i finally arrived at my destination safe and sound. i called grace, who is on her way home, and we met at her void deck. i managed to catch the last episode of the 9pm show. grace says the ending is corny. i thought its pretty predictable but everyone likes happy ending, maybe cept sadists. happy ending = happy peoplethanks grace for helping me burn the cds. appreciates it! *muacks*
loves
Sunday, August 19, 2007 at 10:55 PM
lightning weekend
sunday church at 9.30am didnt happen again. we were all too tired, i guess.after my facial, keong, cp and i went to meet up with grace at tm. we set off to go tong aik, to send the bike for consultation. the weather didnt look too good. on our way at ecp, we could see the fog right ahead. we stopped on the road shoulder to put on our jackets before we continued our journey but the rain looked quite heavy. so, we ended up in a shelter, under a road. while waiting for the rain to cease, keong called up tong aik and it seemed that they were closing already. change of plan. after the rain ceased, we went to regina to get raincoats. unfortunately, they had only one L size men raincoat. all the raincoats were out of stock (size M, L, XL) due to unexpected rain at this time of the year. high demand, low supply. =(we went to marina square for some drinks then to millenia's candy empire to get nougats. we settled for dinner at marina south. it was still quite early when we got there, like 6+pm, i think. grace suggested arcade first, dinner later. so, we went to the arcade at the bowling alley. besides the usual shooting games, we played the drumming game. it was like addictive la. so addictive, we went back to play again after dinner. haha.anyway, the price for the buffet at marina south has increased from 12 to 13. and one thing we learnt, never to go late cos the food were almost finished at 8+pm, and they dont do top-ups already. we were also told that there were no more crabs. =(and with that, the weekend is over!! so fast la.. how i wished i had another day. *sulklooking forward to fridays..
loves
Saturday, August 18, 2007 at 4:43 PM
we're going to the zoo zoo zoo..
despite the bad weather, it didnt spoil our plan to go to the zoo. qin, nic, grace, cp, keong and i met up at the zoo at around 2.30pm. we had pizza and kfc for lunch before we embarked on our zoo discovery. with less than 4 hours, we more or less managed to visit all the animals. we even catch the polar bear feeding show and a lil of sea lion show. i realised there are so many monkeys in the zoo, they are practically everywhere ; orang utan, baboons, gibbons, chimpanzees.. .. lil miss sotong here, surprisingly remembered to bring her camera. but being a sotong, i didnt realised it was out of batt. =( anyhow.. cp brought his camera so i can "gop" his pictures.
to end the excursion, we had bens & jerry. *slurps* we were chatting over ice cream when grace said she wants to cut her fringe cos its alil heavy, i told her i wanted to cut my hair too. so, she suggested going like "now" before our dinner. i called up the salon i frequent and they happened to have 2 slots.
on our way to town, keong and i met up with a minor accident. we got away with a couple of scratches and bruises. my babe suffered the most injuries. *cries out loud* my four month old baby got scratches on 4 areas on the left side, the brake lever knob broke, the right side of the floorboard chipped and the part of the wheel cap gone due to abrasion. previously, i was still comtemplating to go for the vespa vivo challenge, i guess its out of the question now. we just want to get it fixed, just like before.
in fact, keong has sent the bike for consultation.
action to be taken:
1) change the floorboard
2) change brake lever
3) change wheel cap
4) change the silver lining
5) touch up of the paint
6) back rest (additional)
total damage: 585
the floorboard will have to be ordered and it will only come in in november. =( the paint cant be delayed any further cos its getting rusty.
after a heated discussion with the driver, we continued our journey to town. later, we met up with qin and nic at p.s. cafe. our first time. i thought the place was pretty crowded and noisy. not what i expected. i imagined the place to be quiet, a lil nearer to nature with an open concept but still sheltered above and the atmosphere would be more relaxing, like you can feel the breeze and there will be people chilling out. the verdict: an upmarket restaurant with pretty nice food. my first and last time i guess. the total damage per person: 36
anyway, they will ask you at the end of your order (if you havent ordered drinks) whether you would like sparkling or still water to start with. if you're thinking of having iced plain water, dont say still water, make it clear that you want iced water. we paid $24 for 4 bottles of plain water. expensive water la. i can buy 24 x 3 = 72 bottles of ice mountain, that would be like almost a month of drinking water for me la. anyhow, it was a good experience.
at the end of the day, despite the lil mishap,
safety + great companions + amazing pictures = happy!!!
the girlies
the guys
with the bf
loves
Wednesday, August 15, 2007 at 7:48 PM
nothing good
its been a rough day..i've been a highly hazardous road user today. i dont know if its just me or the traffic.1) i changed from second lane to first lane and suddenly this bus in front decided to do just the same. lucky enough, he checked his blindspot and notice the tiny black sheep im on.2) i decided to be a bad girl today and cut queue. when i tried to enter the lane, which the vehicles were turning right to ecp, i realised the light turned red. my first instinct was to stop and i landed in the right turning pocket when im supposed to be behind the white line. that wasnt it, because of stupid ol' me, the vehicle behind me was also in the most arkward position, right behind me. he must be thinking: "women shouldnt be on the road! stupid woman, cannot make up her freaking mind, want to cut queue but never complete the turn, and because of that, i had to stop in the middle of nowhere."stop judging. im guilty enough la. i was like reprimanding myself as i travelled on ecp. =/ there were many other occasions when i thought i was going to hit or be hit by another vehicle. maybe because i havent been riding for a couple of days, or beckie's ride is just throwing tantrum.anyway, besides the traffic, work and life has been bad for me. i have been rushing to finish my work like almost everyday. been thinking about things. i recall how i used not to be able to accept unfairness, but i realised life is never fair. i want so badly to pour out my feelings so they know how i feel but i know i cant. i tell myself "if you want anything, work hard for it. dont expect. depend on yourself." i really dont know how to cope with my feelings and thoughts, i know its not her fault but i cant help ignoring her. how do i handle my feelings, forgive and forget about the harm she has brought to me?i should really stop just saying and start doing something about my life. i have no drive, no determination. i think i've been very selfish and its really time i do something about it. i shall take drastic measures to change my life. i want to leave my comfort zone!-if you fail to plan, you plan to fail-
loves
Saturday, August 11, 2007 at 11:19 PM
long weekend =)
my weekend was boring. i practically stayed at home on saturday and sunday. i think there are times when you just want to slack at home watch tv, play game, read and maybe just daze.friday, keong came over with breakfast - my fave mee hoon. then, we went to help my mum apply for her PR. we had to make a trip to my mum's place to get the documents, find my mum to sign the papers before we could go to ICA. we waited for 2 hours or so and its finally done!!! yay! its been dragging for way too long. tedious but im satisfied. so now, all that is left is to wait for the results. *cross my fingers*sunday was bad. i woke up with an irritated nose, i was sneezing and sneezing and sneezing the whole day. i was supposed to help emily with cooking after lunch. i havent felt so irritated not being able to taste my food, to think we even went to genki sushi. waste of money!!! i took an-hour nap while keong helped emily. i joined them shortly after i woke up. keong and my job was to deep-fry. there were chicken nuggets, calamari, onion rings, fish fingers and fries. it definitely wasnt easy. the heat is almost intolerable. i salute the chefs!!! anyway, we didnt do a very good job. there was one time he told me he was going downstairs for awhile and asked me to help him watched over the fire. i said ok but i soon forgot about it while sitting on the couch in front of the television. =xafter dinner, we went to meet up with my greatest bestie and cp at east coast park. the weather wasnt very friendly so we decided to find some place with a shelter. we settled for coffee bean, chatted for almost 2 hours before we reluctantly left.
loves
Thursday, August 09, 2007 at 11:01 PM
happy birthday singapore!
happy national day!!
in the morning, i joined my aunts, granny, uncle and cousins to pay respect to my grandfather and father, cos its grandfather's death anniversary. i never know how it feels like to have a grandfather cos he passed away even before emily, the eldest grandchild, is born. from what i hear from my aunts, he seems to be a very strict dad whom they're all scared and respectful of. although im not better off and as lucky as many people out there, i didnt grow up in the best environment, in a complete family, but i think im still contented with what i have, who i have around me. in fact, i think im luckier than thousands and thousands of people. cos i still have my mum, bro, aunts, uncles, granny, cousins and friends who care though most do not express it. i've been to places that some people may not even have the chance to. i guess at the end of the day, its not how much you can have in life, but how much you treasure and cherish what you have.anyway, back to paying respect. we fold the notes while waiting for my grandfather and father to "eat" their lunch. then we burned the notes before leaving. after everything, aunt cat, eml and i went to tampines. metro is having a closing down sale, most of the items are having a discount of 50% + 30%, which is actually 65%. madness la. it was freaking crowded as expected. all together, we bought 11 pairs of footwear and cosmetics and some other misc stuff.with that, we went to ntuc, our main purpose for going to tampines. i wonder why is tm always so crowded. anyway, eml volunteered to cook steak on sunday so we bought like 70+ worth of sirloin beef. 2 trollies of stuff added to almost 300 bucks. aunt cat was constantly reminding me that the preparation and cooking will be done by eml and me. like i've said anything. =/back home, after unpacking the stuff, we sat down at the sofa to catch ndp. when you're watching at home from the television, you get a better view, cos they show you the different angles but you dont get the feel, just like what i mentioned to keong. we actually had the chance to watch a preview but somehow, it didnt happen. i so want to catch ndp live next year.
loves
Monday, August 06, 2007 at 1:55 PM
lately, i've been overwhelmed by the many things that have been happening, not just myself but also, the people closest to me. i feel very upset i cant do anything more than listening and giving my personal opinion. the relationships between people can be so simple and complicated. all because of one word, which i would like to say, perception.people change with time, for better, for worse. the efforts do not necessary pay off. love bears no return. people may appreciate or they may not. if appreciation is not shown, the other party will never know. relationships between people are supposed to grow with time, but in my case, its stagnant. havent grown abit since the longest time. i've tried hard but to no avail.why are we, women, perceived as unreasonable all the time? are all women unreasonable? are all men reasonable? i doubt so. its human nature to see others faults but not yourself , which is why self-reflection comes in. in a moment of anger, depending on the intensity of it, our objectivity differs. on a scale of 1 - 10, if someone's anger hits 8 and above, i dont think that person can still be objective. anger causes destruction, so angry people should be given some time of peace to calm down. something that not everyone knows.i remember a close friend of mine, conveyed the secrets of how to maintain a relationship: love, respect, understanding and support. (something like that, i cant recalled the exact words) being screamed at is something not very nice, and i had several experiences, besides struggling, pushing, grabbing.. respect is not shouting or blaming the person over a minor issue and demanding that the person think like you, speak like you and do things like you. i am not a puppet. i have a mind of my own, if people do remember.who is responsible for my life? me.
who controls my movements? me.how much does it take for a strong and independent woman to fall? a bad guy. girls love bad guys. how true is that?for now, i just cant be bothered with anything and anyone except those who truely care. friends who listen, friends who share.. i'm always there, you know that!
loves
Friday, August 03, 2007 at 1:28 PM
success
feeling a lil low-morale lately. i havent had any progress since the last entry stating "i know i will be successful". the time lost has dampen my spirit. so many thoughts going in my mind, a lil here and there, its getting me disoriented. im finding my thoughts contradicting, like im feeling so negative and all, but i know i shouldnt be feeling this way, if i want to be successful. i have everything in my mind, but they are not coming together.the first step to being successful is a positive mindset. the human mind is an extremely powerful tool. i watched a video not too long ago about a man born with no arms (not very good with remembering names but i'll try to find out his name). he started off with.. (not exactly what he said but the content is there)good evening, i'm (his name). you must be wondering what is this man doing up here with no arms, hands and 10 fingers sticking out of his sleeve. i can see from your faces that you have a lot of questions going on in your mind. lets get a lil comfortable with each other here. i was told of a story about a man with no hands, who needed a job. so he went into a church and ask the pastor for a job. the pastor said, "i really dont have any jobs now, except someone to ring the bell but you cant do it with no hands." the man replied "at least let me try, i really need the money" so the man went to the bell, looked at the rope hanging down, he couldnt possibly get it without his arms. but he gets an idea! he ran as fast as he could and hit the bell with his face. the bell went "gong, gong, gong" but the man passed out and fell to the ground. passer-bys were like "who is this man and what is he doing?" they asked the pastor and he replied "i dont know but his face does ring a bell." okie. its lame but i think its good to laugh. you can ask me questions but my answer is bascially the same, i use my feet to do what you, sometimes have problem doing with your own 2 hands. the human mind is a very powerful tool..
then he went on to open a can drink with his feet and pour it into a cup. he held up the handle of the cup with his toes, "cheers!" he said and he brought the cup to his mouth and drank from it. the audience applause and he said "i like it when my audience give me a hand".
-the end-
a question to think about: how does a baby learn to walk? (quoted from robert kyosaki "secrets of the rich")i think i think im trying but in actual fact, im not. at least not hard enough. i know it requires alot of time and effort, but.. then the different sides of me would start to battle against each other.angel: you're not trying!
devil: you HAVE tried to try. furthermore, you've no time.angel: no time? hah! its just an excuse. a lame excuse.devil: you work mondays to fridays. saturdays and sundays are for resting and relaxing. for your family, friends and the bf. not to mention, the mountain of to-do-task that are still undone.angel: you're just plain lazy. too lazy to get your butt up and start doing what you have to do. blame it on who that your tasks are increasing?
me: *guiltydevil: what is wrong with being in your comfort zone and being lazy, if you think you're happy. anyway, most singaporeans are just like you, in their comfort zone. whats the big deal?!
angel: do you want to be successful? are you looking at the bigger picture? success doesnt drop from the sky. you have to work hard for it. stop envying others, it doesnt help! and it only dampens your morale. you wouldnt be more successful by looking at others who are successful, if you refused to move that lazy butt of yours.me: why can people do it? but i cant.
devil: if you cant do it, why force yourself?angel: you cant or you dont want to? *scream* its high time you change that lazy mindset of yours, set your goals and targets and try to achieve it!!! remember success only comes about through hard work, perseverance and determination. and stop finding excuses!
me: *scared, nods head*so, after a long battle, the angel gets the upper hand. *cheers*okie. im just being lame. but sometimes, i really contradict myself. keong says dont envy people's results. work hard and achieve it.i need someone to guide me and push me.. GOD, help me! /=answer: when babies learn to walk, they will fall down but they will stand up and walk again, falls down again and stand up, repetitively until they learn to walk. have you seen a baby who falls down and tell himself/herself i'm a failure and i give up. morale of story - to be successful, never give up!a quote from a successful man: Repetition is the mother of success
loves
