e ones who make a difference..

Monday, October 31, 2005 at 12:21 PM

utter disappointment

friends are those who put themselves into other's shoes
friends are those who are understanding and responsible
friends are those who help you as much as they can
friends are those who dont mind going the extra mile just for you
friends are those who dont give you problems/troubles

im appreciative of those who has put themselves into my shoes
especially when they are younger than me
cos its surprising that such a young girl can understand
when others who are much older cant

i can say aloud that i have been a friend to my lovely friends
cos i have always thought about them
every single one of them
i put myself in their shoes
i appreciate everything that they do
no matter how small it can be
i have been patient and understanding
but many have already climbed on top of me

well. i hope they will think through and think about what they are doing.
its not for my benefit but for themselves.

it doesnt pay to be nice. i get nothing out of it for being nice to everyone.

all i feel now is utter disappointment.

loves

Friday, October 28, 2005 at 5:34 PM

promoters needed!

i need more people. simply short-handed. so peeps.

anyone interested in promoting motorola handphones. (preferably girls)
msg or call me! thanks!

requirements:

outgoing
comfortable serving customers
initiative
enthusiastic
self-motivated
responsible

pay:

basic
commission
incentives (applicable for public holidays)

P.S. msg me for more details

loves

3:34 PM

enough..!

i had enough! simply enough! all the excuses. its never ending. almost everyday im getting excuses. im sick of it. its all getting to me. i hate it! its wearing me out. no longer can i differentiate if its for real or is it fake. im on the verge of giving up. argh~!

loves

Thursday, October 27, 2005 at 6:30 PM

a mixture of emotions

before i left the office. ness asked me to watch a program about a lil boy who had a tumour for a face. he is 5 years old and his tumour is larger than the size of his face. its so bad that its beyond words. he couldnt opened his eyes and he didnt had a nose and lips. the boy went through 3 operations to remove the tumour. the doctor couldnt remove the entire tumour cos the tumour had destroyed his facial bones. they had to shape the tumour into a face. after the 3 operations. the lil boy still had to go through plastic surgery so that he would have eyes, nose and mouth. the program featured many gruesome sight of the operation. by the time i finished the program. i was feeling a lil sick.

i always tell myself that im lucky and i should be contented with everything i have cos im healthy and well. i have got lotsa friends who care. family who loves and dotes on me. boyfriend who lessen my burden at work and cares endlessly for me. in a way. its an encouragement for me to spur me on. to persevere and strive hard in whatever i do.

but at times. i really really feel like giving up. i would tell myself that nobody really understand what im going through. having to struggle with so so so many things at a time. i cant afford to fall sick. not at all. cos i got to work every single day. i got to be responsible. probably i have been too tough on myself. probably everything would still function normally without me. probably im not that important after all. its tiring having to smile at people all day. to be nice to everyone. to explain things when there are misunderstandings . . .

anyway back to life!

i left the office at 6.15. took the shuttle bus to expo and took a train to somerset. i arrived at somerset at 7. met reys outside the mrt. together we went to cine food court for dinner. we had duck rice.

after dinner. mr kee came. we went long john to slack as usual. after mr kee left. we waited for ying xue. the 3 of us took a cab to momo for a drink. ying xue had 10 and reys and i had 7 each. we left momo at 11+ and headed to zouk. ying xue started vomitting. we had to take care of her. later i started feeling dizzy as well. poor reys had to be the nanny this time round and take care of us. its been hard on her. i heard her calling so many people when i was half conscious. gary came soon after. i heard his voice and i peeked up. i saw gary with a friend. i tried to see who was that but i couldnt. gary told his friend that im staring at him.

the next thing i knew. reys told me that ken is sending me home. i didnt even know he was there. anyway he asked me where i wanted to go and i told him to sent me home. he sent me to my block and walked me home. the moment i got home. i fell asleep on the sofa.

i woke up at 7+. i heard a familiar voice asking "are you okie?" i was so shocked to see keong at my place. he was at my place since 3.30am and had been taking care of me. he even bought me breakfast. he didnt reprimand me at all. i guess he was more worried than angry. he accompanied me till 8.30 before he headed to work. i slept till noon. woke up. showered and headed to work. just before i left home. my mum sort of scolded me all bcos of keong. but well. he was very happy about it.

i must promise myself that i cannot get drunk again. simply sucks! i rather be the nanny all the time than to be the the one being taken care of. i hate the giddy feeling. i hate feeling nauseous. i hate puking. i hate hangover.

BIG thank you to keong. reys and ken for taking care of me. im sorry. reys had to handle all the shit alone and didnt even had the chance to enjoy at all. ken was so innocent to have to send me home and keong had to rush down in the middle of the night to take care of me. dui bu qi!!!

loves

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 at 2:34 PM

i miss school

its been 1/2 a year after i left school. gone were..

loves

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 at 5:39 PM

stormy

it started raining again. i stared into the stormy sky. the plants in the balcony were swaying. the rain was hitting on the glass profusely. the trees and buildings are blurred by the heavy rain. i brought my attention back to my screen. i had been rushing my work since morning. finally took some time off to blog.

ness. sarah and i had packed lunch again.

i was showering this morning and i thought about the problem that had got me all confused yesterday. somehow i thought leaving was a better choice for everyone. i had made my choice so i should stand firm. like what keong had said. i shouldnt be indecisive. i cannot be easily tempted. since hazel had already found a replacement. they had move on and i should as well. the replacement would be so sad if i had changed my mind. since i had gave my promise and i should keep to it. moreover i was already involved in the project and i didnt want things to turn ugly.

im really grateful and happy that grace had replied me almost immediately. i emailed her yesterday evening and this morning. she had already replied me. i didnt expect it. her advice to me reaffirmed my choice. thanks babe! love you so!! if this was a wrong choice to be made. at least i learn from it.

its 5.37pm now. im multi-tasking. doing a lil here and a lil there.

well. its time to get back to work now.

loves

Monday, October 24, 2005 at 11:58 PM

stressed!

had so much to do. stressed! work overdued!! im dead. everything is so screwed up. i started doing my work the moment i turned on my computer. rushing and rushing to finish the overdued work.

jo. sarah. ness and i packed lunch back. i bought fish bee hoon. a bad day indeed. i spilled the soy sauce all over. screwed! argh~ the hard copy data entries were soaked in soy sauce. i was so fedup i threw it into the bin.

im confused once again. to stay or not to stay? should i take the risk? my mind is blank. i cant think. i dont know what i should do. how i wish God could give me some indication to which route i should take. i needed someone neutral to tell me what to do and that person was Grace. ness said i should stay. keong is supporting any decision i make but hes more supportive of me staying. hazel has talked to me and gave me her advice. shes opening the option to me although she has already found a replacement. and the replacement is someone very close to her. i really feel touched. shes really awesome and i simply love her. after the conversation. i got back to work. i stayed in the office to complete my data entry till 7pm. walked to the bus stop and took a bus home.

dinner was fried fish steamboat. my favourite!! i ate 3 pieces of fish while others had only 1 to 2. haha. i went into my room to watched television. i took a shower at 10.30pm. went out to the living room to talk to keong. after we hung up. i watched the korean show till the episode ended before going to bed.

loves

Sunday, October 23, 2005 at 11:40 PM

part of sunday spent with mummy

i slept till late morning. had century egg porridge with eml. rested for awhile before i showered. headed home to grab a story book. i took the train to orchard and met darl for lunch. lunch was at taka food court cos we are offically broke. i had noodles and he had rice. we met angela at the entrance of the food court after we bought ice mountain from cold storage.

together we headed to paragon cos angela wanted to have orange julius. keong went back to work 4.45 while angela and i continued stoning there. we left the place at 5.20. i walked angela back to her workplace. then i accompanied andrew to ps. dennis called me when i was outside motoservice. he asked me to help run an errand. i met him at the bus stop. got the stuff and headed to parkway. passed the stuff to benita. i walked to my bus stop which was 10 mins away. bought instant noodle from the 7-eleven nearby. i waited more than 25mins for the bus to arrive. by the time i got home home. i was exhausted.

i had dinn with mummy cos she made my favourite thai dish. authentic thai dinner with glutinous rice. i watched the cancer donation show while enjoying the thai mango that my mummy had asked her friend to buy. i ate 2 packets of it and left 1 for keong. after the show. i continued watching the news. during the first commercial break. i walked to the mrt station to meet up with keong who was late again. we bought his dinner and walked home home. after his mui fan. he ate the mango which was left for him. then later i let him try my fav thai dish. it was actually minced pork with thai seasoning and spices. he got addicted and started eating despite it being spicy. we only left at 11.10. he walked me home before taking a cab to the mrt station.

i got home showered and fell asleep soon after.

loves

Saturday, October 22, 2005 at 11:48 PM

sick keong

i woke up early to call keong. he doesnt sound too well although he insisted that he was alright. we had a deal that he wouldnt go to work if i managed to get a replacement. i called him minutes later to tell him that everything is settled. after we hung up. i was thinking if i should go over his place. a strong feeling inside told me that i should. i showered and headed to the mrt station. took the train towards his place. i called him after i arrived at his station.

becks: would you like me to buy you lunch?
keong: where are you?
becks: yew tee
keong: really?
becks: what you want to eat?
keong: porridge.
becks: okie

i hang up and went to the food court to buy him porridge. i actually forgot that i didnt have any notes. luckily i had enough coins to pay for his porridge. i went to the atm where it was crowded with people. i queued at the second machine from the right. was so fedup when a message appeared on the screen.

this machine cannot dispense $20. would you like to withdraw $50.

like i have $50 in my account? i cancelled the transaction and called keong to complain. he came all the way to the interchange to meet me. we decided to have lunch there instead. after lunch. we headed home. everyone was asleep when we got home. i was using the lappy editing pictures while he rested. mummy came in later and made him 'gan mao cha'. direct translation flu tea. haha. i continued using the lappy while he drank his tea and rested under the blanket. after he rested. it was my turn to take a nap. haha.

we went to the interchange for dinner. duck wing and teo chew porridge with a few dishes. we packed the duck wing cos the porridge was on the other side of the food court. the food court is in such a way that its a U-shaped. if we were to carry the duck wing to the other side. it was rather far. we had to share seats with an uncle cos it was packed. we ordered a veg, a chicken and a tofu. guessed how much was it. 6 bucks la. so ex. and it was so disappointing cos it wasnt teo chew porridge. theres no sweet potato. :( after the porridge. we ate the duck wings. yummy~! it really made up for the sucky porridge and dishes which were oily. keong is addicted to the wings. haha. we actually planned to go lot 1 but it was rather late so we went home instead.

we started singing as usual. darl made me take a cab home although i insisted that i wanted to take the train home. he dragged time so that i would missed the train. he said that he need not dragged too long cos i would be sleepy by 10. indeed at 10.20. i fell asleep. he woke me up an hour later. he walked me downstairs to take a cab home.

glad that he already recovered at the end of the day.

loves

Friday, October 21, 2005 at 11:16 PM

a long day of work

i woke up earlier today cos i had to be at ritz carlton at 8am. took a cab and arrived there at approximately 8.10am. i was talking to keong on the phone. the hotel staff opened the door for me. i thank him and proceeded inside. i searched around the lobby for a familiar face. he waved at me and i walked over. the first thing i said was "FARK! i forgot to get the receipt from the cabby." that was after keong reminded me. dennis assured me that it was alright. 2 guys standing behind me laughed. i asked dennis what was my duties and he told me i was just a back up in case anyone is late. but everyone is present.

when i was still puzzling over the whole matter. dennis urshered all the people in the lobby out of the hotel. still not knowing what was going on. i asked him what was i supposed to do. he just told me to follow. we board a mini bus. all the other people in the bus were talking to one another. introducing themselves. 2 of them asked if i was a contestant or staff from discovery. after i told them i was from discovery. they spoke to me no more. halfway through the ride. dennis came to the back seats where i was. i asked where were we heading and guess where we were going? my office! haha. i started to figure out what was happening. i was asked to be at ritz carlton so i could bring the late-comers to the office in a cab. but since no one is late. i dont have to stay there. the contestants are actually from local and other asian countries. there were 15 contestants in all. after we arrived at the office. i went to do my own stuff until dennis came and told me that i was needed. i went downstairs and helped with the lil things here and there. had morning tea while the in-charge went through the programs.

thereafter i went back to my desk. did a lil work before i had to rush off to help ursher the contestants to the executive pantry for lunch. i also had to ursher them back to the room after lunch. finally i had my lunch with dennis. rushed back to work. more than an hour later. i had to ursher the contestants for their interview and to brief them a lil. when they are done. i had to ursher them to the waiting room until there were 3 of them. lastly. i would inform elisa the receptionist to call for a cab to send them back to ritz carlton. the whole thing ended only around 7. i went back to my desk to pack my stuff and left the office.

i waited downstairs for the cab i booked. i board the cab at around 7.05. i told the uncle to go bedok cos i was giving yvonne a ride. i was reprimanded by the uncle for not knowing yvonne's exact location. he said in a harse tone "you dont know the way then how are you going to guide me?!" i told him yvonne knows the way. he was damn impatient and rude. i was on the phone asking yvonne her location. the uncle actually eavesdropped on my conversation cos i was saying something like "my right side is expo. i dunno the ite would be on which side." the attitude problem uncle interrupted my conversation and told me the location he guessed that she was at. then he goes on to say "your friend dont even know the road name, how is she going to guide me?!" like freaking attitude! wtf! after yvonne board the cab. the uncle went quiet while we chatted. it was 7.30pm when we were at stevensons road. the damn uncle of all places chose to go by stevensons road. and he didnt even asked me if it was alright. we were stuck in a jam in the rightmost lane where the cars were turning right. 5 mins past. 10 mins past. to make matters worst. i needed to pee badly. 15 mins past. i was complaining and complaining that i was late. the uncle finally asked where i want to alight. i told him restlessly "anywhere. the fastest way" cos i already gave up. then after 15 mins in right lane. he turned left out of the queue and went by wheelock. he dropped us at wheelock where we had to walk all the way to our destination. defeating the freaking purpose of taking a cab. i got to tiasa only at 7.50+. yesh! i made everyone waited all thanks to the damn idiotic uncle. was so fuming mad.

meeting started at 8pm and ended before 9pm.

after meeting. angela and i went to had dinner at nydc while we waited for keong. we queued for slightly less than 10 mins. we ordered destiny's child. it came less than 10 mins later. i took a picture of it with lotsa cheese and chilli flakes. shall blog it soon. after we finished our food. keong still havent arrived. he finally showed up around 20 minutes later with a red heart-shaped balloon tied to his bag and a flower made of ballooons in his hand. i got a shocked when his body was so warm. he ordered a lemon shiver. after we paid the bill. we had to make a trip to tiasa to get a charger for daniel. we were crossing the road near paragon when i realised the red balloon was gone. keong was so upset cos he put in a lot of effort to get it. had to console him that i appreciated it alot and it doesnt matter.

the same distance seems further when we walked back. we finally got the charger and headed home. angela and i took the train back together while keong took the other train to meet daniel before going home. a tiring day.

Angela, my sista

Bake Rice with Lotsa Cheese

Baked Rice with Lotsa Cheese and Chilli Flakes

loves

6:47 PM

something meaningful..

These are the lovely meaningful bookmarks for..

GRACE!!

This is just a little note to brighten up your way,

to remind you that you're truely loved each minute of the day.
This is my prayer for you today that God's love you will clearly see;

and may He multiply back to you all the joy you've given me.

-You are loved-

Beloved, let us love one another:

for love is of God:

and everyone that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.

He that loveth not knoweth not God;

for God is love.

I John 4: 7 & 8 (KJV)

LYDIA..!
Dear Lord,
help me to always have a positive attitude,
to study to the best of my abilities,
and to always remember that your grace
is sufficient to meet every challenge i may face.

But ye, beloved,
building up yourselves on your most holy faith,
praying in the Holy Ghost.

Jude 20 (KJV)

loves

Thursday, October 20, 2005 at 11:41 PM

Happy Birthdays!

Today is my cuzy alaric's birthday! Happy Birthday!

And not forgetting sky and cai feng..

happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday alaric, sky and cai feng
happy birthday to you..! *claps*

best wishes to all..! and do take cares..
may happiness be with you always..

after work. i had to go simei to get a cake for my dear cuzy. had to walk home cos i didnt want to squeeze in the bus with a cake and i dont want to waste anymore money on cabby. got home feeling warm and a lil frustrated. had my dinner and waited till 10+ before we sang birthday song. thereafter showered and slept. boring day.

loves

10:25 AM

work work and work

the past 2 days have just been normal days at work. nothing much to mentioned about. just juggling between my 2 jobs. have been lunching-in too. all i want to do now is to finish my work in discovery and to do a good job. well. i dont know if i will regret the choice of not staying in discovery but since. i have made up my mind. i shouldnt think about it anymore.

oh..! i thought of something that was rather embarrassing. recently there has been crowds. mostly caucasians wearing suit carrying computer bags and some tugging at suitcases. the crowd never seem to cease from morning to evening. and its getting a lil irritating having to walk through the crowd when usually. there isnt any. i was complaining about it yesterday. saying out loud. there are alot of "ang moh" blah blah blah.. and i asked my colleagues what exhibition are they having. then i suddenly realised there are caucasians sitting in front of us. just 1 metre away. i immediately hint my colleague who buried her head in the table. i didnt mentioned the word only once and i even said "so irritating la!" actually. i wasnt saying that the caucasians are irritating. its the crowd. even if its not caucasians. its still irritating. so i want to make it clear that im NOT racist. the matter bothered me for awhile. i have promised that i will not use the crude term anymore. i shall replaced it with "yang ren" (with ness help) which sounds so much nicer. oh.. and know what. ness didnt even hint to me that i have said something wrong. :( but like jo say. we only have ourselves to blame.

okie. back to my daily routine. i hitched a ride from ness after work on tuesday and i went straight home. aunt was rather pleased. =) wednesday was also a rainy day like the prev day. keong was waiting for me at expo so ness gave me a ride to expo. BIG thank you to ness!! keong and i took a bus to eastpoint. we walked around for some time before going for dinn at the banquet foodcourt. after dinner. i came across this gift shop and i bought something i tot was meaning for grace, lyd and keong. i shall take the picture of it and pass it to grace and lyd the next time i see them. =)

keong walked me home before going home. i had dinner and was waiting for my uncle who is coming back from overseas trip. he was buying crab home and know what. i didnt even got the chance to see it cos i fell asleep before he came home. haha.

loves

Monday, October 17, 2005 at 11:42 PM

bad day + great day = good day

warm up was fine. it started drizzling before the test. much confident as compared to the first time. went for balloting and got route 4. was told that the traffic was rather bad so we just follow the tester's instruction. i was the first to be called out by the tester. went to the car. started the engine and off we go. traffic in the circuit was rather bad as compared to the other times i went into the circuit. no major mistakes. following was on the road.

indeed the traffic was freaking bad. jam and jam. dont wish to talk about the detail. went back to the centre feeling damn dejected. proceeded upstairs with the tester. he ticked on 3 boxes which is sufficient to fail me. immediately i shut myself out. didnt want to stay there any longer. i knew i failed. didnt need his advice at all. all i want was to leave the room. i could feel tears forming up slowly in my eyes as i tried hard to fight it back. i breathe deeply as he spoke. i placed one hand on the desk waiting impatiently to get my ic and pdl. all i knew was it was unfair. i couldnt accept the fact that i fail cos i was expecting to pass. he told me my weakness was traffic jam. if the road was cleared. i could drive. he went on to give me advice on how to improve. to sit in the front seat of friend's car or cabby and to observe how they drive. the moment he gave me my paper. i walked downstairs feeling angry. i walked past keong and simply ignore him. i couldnt look into his eyes. i looked around for my instructor but i couldnt find him. just when i was about to leave the centre. keong told me my instructor was just behind. i showed him my paper and he sort of scolded me before he left. tears roll down the moment i left the centre. keong followed as i walked. he consoled me and ask me to try again. at that point of time. im so disappointed i dont wish to take the 3rd time. i finally calm down when we arrived at the bus stop.

we took the bus to the mrt. went to ntuc cos he promised to get me ice cream. but couldnt find the flavour i want. instead we had lunch at mac donalds. after lunch. we headed to marina cos i wanted to go there to play gun bullet. we spent 10 bucks in total at the 2 arcades. dinn was at chong pang steamboat. the variety is pathetic. really pathetic. we had uninvited guests as well. they were squeaking and we could see the grass moved as they moved. after dinn. we took a cab to keong place.

had a rather good day today. not mentioning the test earlier in the day. but i have decided to take up darl's suggestion to take class 2B license first. yay~!

loves

Sunday, October 16, 2005 at 11:21 PM

sunday

had driving lesson again. woke up at 9+. showered and made a trip home home. keong came at 10+. had breaky and headed for lesson. was tired. my eyes were dry and sleepy while driving. it was raining when lesson ended. so we took a cab to bedok for lunch. we had kfc cos i missed the drumlets. after lunch we went to buy an umbrella from giordano. yay~! haha.

we took the train to his place. bought our dinner. instant noodle at the ntuc. we walked home from the interchange. we played in the rain while walking home. the umbrella didnt seem to help much. after we got home and dry ourselves. we watched television and read magazines. oh! i bought 2 magazines- female and cleo. read till my eyes were tired. took a nap. simply comfortable. sleeping on a rainy day with aircon under comfy blanket. after we woke up. took a shower and cooked dinner. watched tv. no karaoke session today cos darl say the hi-fi was moved downstairs. :(

loves

Saturday, October 15, 2005 at 11:57 PM

stressed

i simply dont understand a relationship involves how many parties? why is it that people want to bother so much? dont just look at the surface of things when you dont know the depth of it. try being in my shoes and juggle between 2 jobs. family. friend. relationship and driving. the amount of stress is already enough to drain you out. its incredibly tiring. and the last thing i want is rumours.

im trying very hard to handle the huge amount of reponsibilities and im struggling. but im glad to have a wonderful boyfriend who is able to share my burden. im appreciative and he knows about it. no one understands how i feel towards him but im fine with it. cos i know he understands which is the most important thing. im not some unreasonable girl who insists on her way all the time. our relationship is not as shallow as what people see. hidden beneath it is many things that people dont see.

im just feeling frustrated and disappointed that they who i considered my friends not only not understand. but they are adding on stress. i dont blame them but i just hope they will understand one day.

loves

11:14 PM

meetup with reys

i woke up at 7+. realised i was late for driving. sharks! i quickly showered and prepared for driving. keong was already waiting outside the gate. it was 8.25 when we took the cab. was approximately 15mins late. lesson was as usual. nothing interesting to mention.

after lesson. keong and i went to orchard. lunch was at pastamania. spicy chicken and hawaiian pizza. slurp~! andrew came to join us later. after lunch. keong and andrew headed to cuppage while i went to hmv. i made a trip to hello singtel where vivian is working. chatted with her till her customer queue number. left and headed to clementi to meet reys. yay~! was wondering if i should take the shorter route or longer route. decided on the shorter route cos its gonna take more than an hour if i took the longer route. was so sleepy i fell asleep in the train. luckily. vivian happened to call me when i was at clementi. i quickly got down the train. waited about 15 mins for reys just before the barrier. when i was glancing around. i happened to see her get down the bus and walked towards the mrt.

together we headed to somerset. went to look for vivian to go for lunch together. lunch was at long john. as usual the birds are flying around. reys' reaction was simply hilarious when the birds were nearing us. after lunch. vivian went back to work while reys and i went shopping around for her sticker. we went from cine to guardian to sinma to john lil to robinsons and finally og when we finally found it. chilling session was at spinelli. linli came to join us for awhile before she went to meet up with her boyfriend. she later returned with her boyfriend and left again some time later. keong and andrew came shortly after. we went to cine's foodcourt for dinner. then to cheers to buy some snacks and drinks before going to the cinema. show that we were watching: e wig. at least 1/4 of the time i wasnt looking at the screen. simply a waste of money that i watched horror movies. anyway keong didnt really like the show. he tot it has no storyline and wasnt scary. well. i tot the ending was rather draggy.

after the show. we rushed to the mrt station. managed to catch the last train home.

loves

Friday, October 14, 2005 at 11:58 PM

friday meeting

i met keong at my office downstairs after work. had a lil dispute and thus. late for meeting. today's meeting was rather draggy. keong gave product training to those present for the benefit of the new promoters. thereafter dennis gave a long briefing. the whole meeting ended at 11.15. i quickly packed my stuff and left the shop flustered. keong and i even had to rush to the train station to take the train home. dinn or rather supper was at the coffeeshop near the interchange. after supper. i bought food back for my family. keong sent me home before taking a cabby home.

loves

5:33 PM

long friday

its friday today. its 5.28pm now. time seems to be crawling. blogged for quite a while today. lunch was with hazel. finally!! after 6 months. haha. we left the office at 12.15. took a cab to eastpoint. lunch was at sakae sushi. i was talking most of the time. after lunch. we walked to simei green to deliver her stuff. then we took a bus to expo and walked back to office. havent done much work today. going for meeting after work. im not scheduled for this week cos i need to do the coordinating.

but something happy to mention. im meeting reys tomorrow!! yay~! havent met her for a long time. i feel bad that im always busy. so busy i didnt even call her. im sorry! well. im sure its gonna be a good day tomorrow.

nuff said. time to get back to work to do the most i can out of this 1/2 hour.

loves

Thursday, October 13, 2005 at 10:38 AM

thanks

somehow i just want to take this opportunity to thank

* emily. my cuzy. the only one who has been there for me all my life. thanks for doting on me and caring for me endlessly.

* mummy. she let me understand how noble love is. she has never stopped caring for me and she never once complain about the hardship she had to go through to bring me and my brother up.

* aunts. without them. i wouldnt be who i am. their love is so unselfish. they never gave up on me once.

* uncle. hes the one who doesnt hurl at me but talk sense to me.

* granny. she dotes and cares for all the 6 young ones including me!

* keong. my darl. thanks for always being there for me regardless im happy or unhappy and for tolerating with my nonsense all the time.

* grace. my bestie. thanks for being such a great friend. i know i can always count on you when i have problems. i miss you so much!

* juan. my sista. thanks for always looking out for me throughout this 8 years. you never fail to make me feel at ease with you around.

* reyers. a great friend who has been there for me when im really down. your words are always so sensible and not forgetting fun is never missing with you around.

* cryst. she take sense into me. she told me what is love. she is a friend who is straightforward and sincere.

* hazel. my supervisor. shes not just my supervisor but also a friend. she cares for me like her own sister and she never reprimand me for mistakes i make.

* vanessa. the babe who is always more than willing to help me and is always on a lookout for me. work would be so boring without your laughter.

* lydia. i know i can always count on you when i have problems. your assurance is more than enough. thanks babe!

* jasmine. a great listener. although i havent know you for long. but you have been there to hear me out and give me advice when im troubled.

* sky (qiuwang). he gave me a chance to amend for what i did wrong. he cheers me up when im unhappy and he is there when i need someone's company.

* ken. he gave his best to me. he used to be there for me every time i need someone. someone i hurt and im truely sorry.

* cai feng. he always try his best to help me when im in need. although our perceptions are different but i know you truely care.

* erik. he is someone who hates me for hurting him. but i just want to thank all that he has done for me and im sincerely sorry.

thanks all i know for being my friend. everyone has left footprints and made a significance in my life. memories will always be remembered. not forgetting those who have hurt me cos they made me a stronger person.

loves

Wednesday, October 12, 2005 at 6:23 PM

reading

havent been reading lately. realised just how limited my vocab is and how poor my english is. time to start reading. but i need more time~! 24 hours a day seems just so little. tonnes of stuff to do within the limited time period. beginning to feel like im a robot. doing so many things at a time.

but well. im more concerned bout seeking my true self. have been living for 20 years but i havent found my true self. still searching. few days ago. ness. amin and i were talking in the dark room. okie. more like im listening to them. after the conversation. somehow i felt like getting a bible and do some reading up. i thought i might find myself as i read the bible. and theres just so much to learn from the bible. to add on. in general. christians and catholics have better character especially their temper.

so many natural disasters lately. a sign from God that its gonna be end of the world? its just so scary. although many might not feel it. but i really feel sad for the innocent lives. the scariest thing is not end of the world but the demon. ness actually explained to me the mark and she showed me readings of it on the website. so eerie. *goose bumps*

keong waited for me downstairs. i finished my work for today. went off at 6.23pm.

we went fisherman despite being broke. we had dinn as well. nuggets. satay and wedges. for the first time im drank fruit punch at fisherman. so much for budgeting. keong had a peach cooler. anyway the fruit punch was rather nice.

loves

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 at 11:31 PM

the test

got up at around 6.40. showered and prepared. decided to wear something comfortable. something that wont hinder my movements. wore a white top. jeans and my shoes that i have always been wearing for lessons. not feelin

g nervous at all. but wasnt confident too. im just hoping that i be lucky enough to pass. but im already prepared that im going to fail the first time round. pessimistic huh? cos i believe the higher the hope. the more the disappointment if i were to fail.

i set off with hopes. took the train to eunos and met my instructor minutes after 8. went into the circuit at 8.30. not perfect yet. started to feel a lil tense. at 10. i was asked to park the car at the car park some distance away from the circuit entrance. instructor explained to me what i have to do and where to drive. then he brought me to the seats outside the balloting room. waited for 15mins outside the room before i went in. my instructor told my some important points to remember. the balloting starts. was hoping that i would get test route 3 cos the testers are nice. unfortunately i got the MOST DIFFICULT route. my favourite number 7. not my favourite this time round.

i went out of the room and called my instructor cos i was having problems trying to message with the motorola handphone. i saw someone i never want to see. but well that wasnt important. i told my instructor my test route and tester. he reminded me to check my blind spots. i place my hand on my face which is tilted up and went "aiya! this time die already. its test route 7!" after i hung up. i realised a couple of testers were outside the room and they actually heard and saw me doing that. embarrassed! but seriously the nervousness in me had overcome the embarassment. i went back to the room looking cool cos the rest of the students were inside. just when i was about to check the turn at the exit for my test route. my tester had called my name. i went out and led him to the car.

i sat on the driver's seat. adjusted it again and again although i was the last to drive the car and the seat wasnt adjusted since then. i check my rear mirror. turned on the engine. the car suddenly jerked forward and stalled. GREAT! the instructor went "woah!" immediately i said "sorry sorry!" i hoped he didnt penalised me for that. was wondering if i should wind up the windows. i looked to my side where a student was driving the car into the circuit. decided to wind up the windows. the tester told me to drive on. but the car beside me was moving off. so i waited till it went off before i drove out. he told me that if he hit on the front board. i would have to do an emergency brake which mr lim has already explained to me.

there was this barrier which is lifted up. its actually tilted and i was entering through the lower part of it. was hesitating to change lane cos i didnt know if the car would hit the barrier if i drove through. then the tester said go. only then. i stepped on the accelerator. i didnt dare to change to gear 2 so most of the time i was using gear 1. the slope was fine. parking was fine. crank course was fine and the S-course was also fine. but i did drove into the wrong lane at one turning. each time i make i check my blind spot. im practically turning my head all the time although sometimes it was just for show.

i proceeded out and continued with my test route. i was driving on the left lane. there was a lil jam. all the cars stopped on the left lane. then the tester told me to turn right which means i would have to leave the lane and drive to the right-most lane. i looked behind. road seems cleared. i moved out and suddenly i see cars coming from behind. FANTASTIC! i knew i was penalised. shit! i managed to drive to the left lane and continued driving. finally i arrived at the crucial point. i prayed hard that the traffic light wouldnt change to red before i crossed. lucky enough. it was green when i past the traffic light. i looked into the rear mirror. the road is cleared for me to change lane. as expected. i was asked to u-turn. the u-turn was fine. i made my way back to the centre with the tester's instructor.

my instructor was there waiting when i came back. the tester told me to follow him. i stepped out of the car. my legs feeling weak. my instructor didnt show much expression on his face. i smiled at him and he told me to follow the tester upstairs. he then told me my mistakes. was hoping he would pass me. then he went on to tick the tester's paper. the moment i saw him ticking on 3 boxes on the first page. i knew i was most probably gone. indeed i failed. felt angry and sad. for one moment. i had the feeling that im gonna cry. i took a deep breath and walked out. saw my instructor downstairs. he asked me "why like that?" i showed him my paper. thereafter he told me he would call me after he booked my test date.

i walked out of the centre. realised that keong was supposed to meet me at the centre. called him to tell him i failed and that i was waiting outside. was looking at my mistakes trying to analyse it. minutes later he called me. was so fedup i raised my voice and repeated "outside" thrice. he gave me a hug when we met and assured me that everything was fine. i told him not to say anything more. i'll only cry if someone is gonna ask me lotsa questions or console me. we walked to the bus stop and took the bus to the mrt station. took the train to novena to get his stuff. he promised me ice cream so we had bens and jerry ice cream. yums! the table look so cute.

walking out from novena mrt

cherry garcia, chocolate fudge brownie and strawberry

love the table.. so cute~

thereafter we went to his place to get his passport and bank book. took pictures while walking home.

walked to the bank to get a replacement for his card. then to sakae near his place for a battle. anyway he lost. =p yay yay! haha. so you owe me 3 more.

after lunch. we went to popular book store and bought an album. then we went to develop some of our pictures. our last stop. the supermarket. we bought ingredients for my favourite chicken stew. its been a long long time since i went over his place. as usual we watched tv. sang. later in the day. we cooked dinn. i helped to cut the ingredients while he do the cooking for his chicken stew. he was satisfied with the finished dish cos the standard remained. after dinn. we sorted out the stuff that we want to put inside the album. after we were finally done. i changed and he sent me downstairs to take a cab home.

a great day spent together regardless i failed my tp.

loves

Monday, October 10, 2005 at 11:45 PM

last evening lesson

Waiting for our food to be serve..

as usual. darl was waiting downstairs for me after work. we walked to expo. dinner was at rocky master. we ordered jumbo sausage and coke. wasnt that hungry. after dinn. decided to take a bus so we wouldnt have to transfer. waited for 10 mins and we realised that we are running out of time. decided to take the train instead. we walked to the train station and took the train to paya lebar. from there we had to take a bus.

was minutes late for my lesson. supposingly my last lesson in the evening if i passed. wasnt too smooth. probably i expect too much from myself. but well. im a perfectionist. i will only think im ready when im very familiar with everything.

after lesson. i met darl at the coffee shop. we walked to the bus stop and took a bus home. went home home cos mummy bought thai mango. yums! so freaking tired. fell asleep after i showered. must rest early today to ensure that i have enough rest for tomorrow's battle.

loves

Sunday, October 09, 2005 at 11:42 PM

day off ~ !

finally a day off. but i still had to wake up early. i saw a message after i showered that one of the gals wasnt able to work cos she is sick. so poor thing. but i would have to look for a replacement. couldnt get the person on stand by so andrew had to be the one.

later when i thought everything was settled. i received a call from yet another gal. something happened at home so she couldnt work. that couldnt be blamed. again. i tried to look for someone who could take over. glad that i managed to get her. i was really thankful. after sitting on the sofa for so long trying to settle all the problems. i could go prepare for my lesson. i quickly dressed up and left home. met keong at the bus stop and we took the bus to the interchange where we transferred to train. alighted at paya lebar and took a bus. arrived 10 mins late and was sort of reprimanded. lesson was rather fine. but as usual was scolded like hell. i really pray for good luck on that day cos i was scolded for other people's impatience.

after lesson. i got a few missed calls and messages. stressed! its like i have to work every hour. after i settled whatever i had to. keong and i took the train to his place. bought the ingredients for chicken stew. we spent our day watching tv. cooking and singing. quality time spent after so long. its just so hard to spend quality time together given our tight schedule. especially me. practically working 7 days a week. im a workaholic. haha. not that i enjoyed being one. but i thought its responsibilities.

i feel asleep watching meet the parents and woke up at 11. i went to the nearest atm which was 10 minutes away to clear my debts. couldnt drag anymore cos i was supposed to transfer 2 days ago. feel bad that i actually forgot again and again.

i got home. sat on the couch and watched tv with eml and alaric. chatted with keong for awhile before showering. slept soon after i showered.

loves

Saturday, October 08, 2005 at 11:20 PM

13th consecutive day working

woke up an hour late. i quickly showered and met keong opp my gate. we bought breakfast and went home home to eat. thereafter we took a cab to work. i arrived late at work feeling so lost. i asked the people at the reception and they told me to go second level and i did so. ask the receptionists at the second level and they told the way to the staff office. i told the boss where i was from. i was given a punch card which i was asked to write my name.

i proceeded downstairs and stand at the corner of the showcase where all the other promoters are. priscillia was the first to come over to say hi. the start of my day was fairly good. customers were rather happy although they didnt buy anything. or rather there were no stock for the 2 most sellable handphones. lunch was at 3+. andrew came to take over me. was supposed to meet up with yiling. alan and bobby but i couldnt get through yiling's line so i ended up eating at spinelli. thereafter i bought sandwich for andrew before going back to work. had to serve customers after i got back so i was 10mins late when i punched my card. the rest of the day was simply boring cos there was no stock for the handphones so how was i to promote. i did my best though and i referred most of them to the motorola roadshow outside takashimaya.

the day was rather boring with not many people. quite surprising for a shop in orchard. even when theres people around. most of them are not really interested in motorola. at the end of the day. couldnt get the sales figure cos the boss refused to. yiling and i took train together. bobby gave a few pointers with regards to work and driving which is really useful. thanks! although i know he wont see this. haha. i met keong at tampines and we went for dinner. after dinner. we took the bus together. i alighted at my bus stop and walked home. rested awhile before showering.

loves

Friday, October 07, 2005 at 11:57 PM

dna + moto = freaking freaking busy

Freaking busy week at work. was already busy with discovery work and now. i had to do work for motorola. good in a way but its eating into my time. been rather addicted editing pictures recently. haha.

on wednesday. i stayed in the office till 7pm for the data entries. i didnt mind staying in the office till late to do my work but the thing is that it would be freaking dark if i dont leave by 7pm. the sky was getting dark as the minutes went by. at 6.45. i started to pack. the bus just arrived when i went down. i took the bus to expo and walked out to catch the bus. got home for steamboat dinner again.

on thursday. i was at work when i tried to look for the USB cable for my camera and i realised that the guy had actually left out the cable. tried to look for his number but couldnt find. had been using too many handphones lately. a few ROKR E1 and my nokia handphone. i gave up and decided to go challenger after work to look for it. i left the office after work and headed to the train station. went to challenger and bought the cable. decided to buy the cheaper one with darl's help. i guess it wouldnt make too much of a difference. went home and connected the camera with the cable to the computer. no responses. must be the software. disappointing.

on friday. i brought my lappy to work cos i wanted to try if i could upload the pictures. so happy cos i managed to. had a short meeting with hazel before lunch. was rather lazy to go for lunch but still. i ended up going for lunch with jo. sarah and ness. we took the 12.30 bus. lunch was at mos burger. after lunch. we actually had to rush to catch the shuttle bus. ness and i were wondering why are we in such a rush. then i remembered we usually take the 12 bus instead of the 12.30. but we were lucky enough that we could get up the bus cos jo was queueing in front so we practically cut the queue. the last few people were unable to board the bus. they must have hated us. i left office minutes after 6. met keong downstairs. together we took the train to orchard. went to taka food court to get dinn. met andrew at orchard mrt and headed to tiasa.

andrew and keong helped to check the handphones while i was looking for the notes and preparing for the training. the gals arrived shortly later. they were told to try all the handphones. training was conducted by keong as i did the time sheet. dennis was late. he came and spoke to us for awhile. thereafter i had to settle the handphones with those who havent got theirs. everything was only done at 11.20+. there were no more train service to my place. we went for dinner at bk before heading home.

loves

Wednesday, October 05, 2005 at 12:30 AM

hurt

i've been hurt by many along my life. but i have never blame anyone for it cos i learn from every experience. i dont hate them. instead i sincerely hope that they are doing well.

on the other hand. i've hurt many as well. for many. i regret my actions. im happy for them when they move on and are happy. i appreciated the several things that they have done for me. i may not have expressed it but i really know. i hate to hurt those who care for me but if i felt that things would get worse if i dragged on. i would choose to let go and let myself be hated.

at the end of everything. happiness is the key word. my favourite phrase. as long as you are happy. regardless if i was the one who hurt or is being hurt. i still care for many who had left footprints in my life. sometimes i feel i still live in remorse.

well. the point i want to emphasize is im happy to see that you are happy and you are leading a good life. im sorry that things aint the way they should be or at least you thought that it would be. im sorry.

loves

12:06 AM

decisions

everyday we are making decisions. deciding what to wear? what to have for lunch? where to go? what to do? some are easy decisions whereas some are tough decisions. well. i guess the rule for making a decision is not regretting your choice.

im having a really tough time struggling earlier on. prob i think too much especially for others. dumb as i may seem. but thats just me. im afraid of making a wrong decision. but i have finally came to a conclusion after dragging it for weeks that i shall try. at least i learn something at the end of it no matter if its gonna be a bad or good decision.

loves

Tuesday, October 04, 2005 at 11:05 PM

4 October 2005

today is my aunt's birthday! happy birthday~!

i woke up at 6 today. had to wait till 6.30 for the bathroom. i took a quick shower. changed and left home at 7. the nutty keong had actually came to simei to meet up with me. he said to meet at the mrt but somehow he decided to walked over. it was 7.10 by the time he reached. we took the bus to the interchange and transferred to train.

arrived at raffles place just on time. met up with jas outside the station. craig was already there. he gave us our tee shirts. after we got changed. he gave us a stack of redemption card each. keong took an extra 1/3. my first reaction was 'huh? so little ar?' we started distributing the cards. didnt know what to say to the people. i started off by saying 'hi! free coffee redemption card for you' then i started to get tongue tight. i reduced a few words and started saying 'free coffee for you'. the people at raffles aint that friendly. practically half of the people can ignore you. by the time we were done distributing. it was still early. we called craig and he came by. we changed out of the tee and returned it to him.

then we went for breaky at mac donalds. yay~! we all had big breakfast. havent had that in a rather long time. after breakfast. i had to go to work so we went to the train station. took the train to expo. they walked me to my office under the hot scorching sun. the biggest victim was jas. so ke lian. after i went to work. they sat at the sofa at the reception till lunch time. we went to signature for lunch. then to expo. there is an exhibition in the new exhibition hall. the exhibition was mainly on home and decor. there were many companies selling different stuff. mattresses. beds. door gates. bridal portfolio and personal portfolio. exquisite lightings. designing companies show casing bathroom. kitchen. room. living room etc. we were enjoying the air con in the hall.

after we left the hall. we decided to go spinelli since it was still early. we bought sunkiss twist. some berry twist. sweet potato salad and strawberry tart. the sweet potato salad was a lil not very nice. we only ate half of it. the strawberry tart was simply yummy~! we left spinelli slightly after 2. i headed back to work and jas accompanied keong to bedok reservoir for his mascort.

after his mascort. he met me at my office after work. we walked to expo and had dinner at lerk thai since thats the only restaurant still opened. there was no even a single customer in the restaurant. i had soup noodles and he had rice with soup and chicken. dessert was tapioca. the tapioca is one of the best i had eaten. yums~! it was 7.30 when we left the restaurant. was rather late so we took the train and alighted at paya lebar. took a bus and walked to the coffeeshop. was approximately 10 minutes late.

lesson was just bad today. kenna scolding like hell. sad. i have no confidence that i can pass. 2 more lessons and god bless me. *sobs*

after lesson. we took a cab to my place cos its aunt birthday. im so tired that i fell asleep. got home. wished my aunt happy birthday. had steamboat for dinn. just me and my bro cos everyone had eaten. wasnt in the mood to eat cos i just want to sleep. after dinn. i went online for awhile before showering.

3 days of sleep on the sofa in the living room. im finally well enough to sleep in aircon. yay~!

loves

Monday, October 03, 2005 at 11:54 PM

22nd lesson

joanne and i walked together to the bus stop. we waited for the bus for like more than 15 minutes. freaking long. joanne alighted with me. i accompanied her to wait for a cab before walking to the coffeeshop to wait for mr lim.

i had my 22nd lesson today. not yet perfect. feeling rather dejected. simply disappointed to talk about it. feel so dumb. decided to add another lesson tomorrow since meeting is cancelled.

mr lim dropped me outside the traffic police after lesson. i walked to the bus stop and took the bus back. was so tired and sleepy. lesson is already rather tiring and to add to that. im sick. i didnt do anything throughout the ride. i didnt call anyone to chat. i didnt listen to music. i merely sat there staring into blank. after the auntie sitting in the inside seat left. i took her seat. started dozing off soon.

i alighted at the bus stop where i need to transfer bus. took the overhead bridge. every step seems heavier as i walked. after i got home. i had my dinn. showered. chat a lil before heading to bed.

loves

Sunday, October 02, 2005 at 11:08 PM

workaholic

after we went to tiasa to pick up the tee-shirts. i had to meet up with belinda at city hall to get the phone from her. we were supposed to meet at 7 and the meeting time was postponed again and again. she only came at 8.30. after we got the phone from her. keong and i went to tampines. wanted to get my slippers but charles n keith was so freaking packed. i have never seen so many people in charles n keith. we decided to go 201 after passing the phone and shirt to zhen qin. was feeling so sick. with a lil persuasion from keong. i went to see a doctor for my sore throat. just dont want to be sick for my first weekend of work. thereafter. we met angela at 201 to pass her her shirt.

i woke up the next day feeling worse than the day before. not only i had sore throat. i also had headache and flu. but i still went ahead to work. saw this motorola senior promoter who wasnt quite friendly. but i did spoke to her for awhile. keong came down during break time to accompany me. lunch was at food court since theres not many choice for a sick person like me.

my day was bad. merely one day of work and politics arise. simply dont understand why. haiz. but i didnt let it affect me. i was smiling throughout the day. after work. keong and i went to cityhall to meet up with char to get yet another phone from her. then we went to simei and had our dinner. thereafter he walked me home. my head was killing me while i was on my way home. sat on the sofa after i got home. showered and took additional cough syrup and strepsils gargle from both my aunts. my 2nd aunt was telling me to not go to work the next day but i just kept quiet. before i sleep. i still set my alarm as usual. haha. stubborn eh~

woke up sunday morning feeling sleepy. guess what? yesterday was sore throat. flu and headache. today i had cough. my throat is so freaking itchy i cant stop coughing. i met keong opposite my gate at 9.40. we went to 201 to have breakfast before heading to work. breakfast was porridge for me and nasi lemak for him. my legs were already aching after 2 hours since the start of work. i was really looking forward to my break. during my break. keong came down again to have lunch together. and again we went to food court. few hours after break. i felt so drowsy i wanted to go home. but they couldnt find anyone to replace me so i just tried to hang on till 9pm. was feeling slightly better after taking short breaks.

while i was walking back to the shop from a short break. sky called. he came to bugis with his friend. he came by the shop i was working to chat a little. finally 9pm came. i met keong at the control. together we went maggie thai to have dinner. a complete meal with meat. fish. vegetables and soup. wanted to take the bus but we were afraid that there aint enough time. took the train instead. we took a cab from simei to my place. got home. showered and slept soon enough.

7 days of work a week. i will have worked 13 days continuously till my next off day. but actually. im rather fine with it at this point of time.

loves