e ones who make a difference..

Sunday, May 20, 2007 at 11:58 PM

a friendship with regrets

kinda feeling emo lately. been thinking about things. didnt had a very good week. anyway, this is a super duper long entry, for the entire week. sorry for the lack of photos, i havent had the chance to upload them. will do so soon.

this entire week, i have been so so so busy at work cos my manager has gone to KL for an exhibition. which means, im responsible for the proof-reading for our new catalog. previously, there were 4 persons working on that - my 3 managers and myself but 2 of them have left for KL. i understand that henry is very busy with his work so i try not to bother him too much. the amount of proof-reading was just piling as days went by. one day, henry asked me about my progress and i told him i still had alot more. it was really nice of him to get the assistant manager, kelvin to assist me.

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monday evening, i went for my jap lesson 6. 1 more lesson to go before the test. scary shit. every lesson, we would learn so much that it would fill up every single memory space we have. more often than not, the class would end with half the people with question marks ? ? in their head. not to mention, more than half the class copy our homework every week. =x

wakarimashiteka? jaa..

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tuesday evening, i met up with keong. he came to pick me up with my lady and her new box! muahahahaha. =D we had dinner at v8. that night, my throat felt very uncomfortable, i feel like im going to have a sore throat. so i made myself a cup of instant herbal tea before going to bed.

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wednesday morning, i wasnt feeling my best. my throat still felt sore and my eyes were swollen. some time after i started work, i started having headache, dizziness and i felt colder as time went by. it didnt help that the porridge i bought for lunch wasnt warm. by 2+pm, i was freezing to the point i couldnt work, even after wearing 2 sweaters and drinking more than 5 cups of hot water. i took permission from henry to leave at 4pm.

keong came to pick me up. for once, it felt so good to be under the hot sun with my warm helmet (the engine under the seat compartment heated up my helmet). when we got there, i felt so extremely weak, my body felt hot, even the air i breathe out was hot. my family doctor was closed so i ended up at the 24 hour clinic nearby, after making a trip to another clinic right at the end and calling up the clinic just downstairs my mum's place. the medical fees amounted to s$59. damn expensive la! after having some porridge keong made, medication and 3 hours of sleep at my mum's place, my fever subsided.

the initial plan for the evening was to collect the ice cream cake i ordered from bugis swensens and bring it down to mj's place to give her a surprise, after her dinner with her bf and his family. but keong was so unhappy about it and i decided he was right that my fever might come back if i were to travel up and down. i sent her a message to let her know i'll meet her the next day.

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thursday morning, i felt so much better. keong came by during lunchtime to bring me homemade porridge from home. it tasted so good, so much better than what i bought from the coffeeshop downstairs. my colleagues were making fun of me and my "ai xin zhou" (porridge made with love). haha.

meat ball, chicken + pickled veg porridge. yums!

after work, i met keong. we went to bugis junction. before i collected the cake, i called mj.

me: hello. where are you?
mj: having dinner in the cable car.
me: huh? okie. at where?
mj: cable car lo.
me: at where la? (abit sua ku cos i really dont know where)
mj: mount faber.
me: okie. i thought i told you i'll meet you today.
mj: no.. you told me you'll meet me another day.
me: (suppressing my anger) nvm lo. i'll bring the present to your house and go home.
mj: okie lo.

quite angry about it but cannot shout at people on their birthday ma. so i send her i message that went "i remembered telling you i'll meet you today." keong kindly sent me to her house with me holding on to the cake and him trying to weave in and out of the heavy traffic. not easy at all. i left the cake with her mum and went home.

(the following is a long long message meant for a friend i used to love so so much, the things that i have been hiding in the bottom of my heart. its so long you wouldnt want to read unless you are her, so dont bother reading.)

okie. to be very honest, i didnt want to say all this to you but i want to make things clear, cos its been bothering me alot. at the same time, i dont want to say this in your face cos i cant do it. im sorry, it just tears me apart. communication was the biggest problem in our friendship. 9 years of friendship, which i cherished and treasured so much. my first bestest friend, my sister.

you're right that i shouldnt trust anyone too much, not even at the point of time when i care for you more than i care for myself. one year has 365 days, the number of times we meet up a year can be counted with one hand. 5 / 365 = 1.37%. for someone you call a good friend, she is not even worth 1.37% of your time. not to mention we stay less than 10 mins apart by car, taxi or bike and probably 20 mins by bus. the only time i hear from you is when jeff is playing soccer at simei and at the last minute when you have no plans. sincerely, i feel very happy for you, as a good friend, that you are very happy with your life. each time i ask if you want to meet up, i get disappointing answers. not to mention, you forgot about me during your birthday celebration last year. even when we are at the same place, in the same building, you cannot even spare 5 mins of your time to say hi. whenever i call you when im upset and troubled, you'll be listening while playing mahjong, games... (with the laughters and talkings in between while im talking)probably im really unlucky cos i always call at the wrong time. i cant remember the last time we went out together, just you and me. probably my birthday last year? with the lack of communication, we drifted apart. but i still held on to the friendship, with hope decreasing as days, weeks and months went by. i would rather you tell me in my face that you have newfound friends who you rather care and spend your time with. at least i wouldnt be hoping, for years. i feel so terrible i want to let go of our 9 years friendship and convinced myself to be just hi-bye friends. but at the end of it, i realised i cant do it. maybe i care too much. being soft-hearted is my weakness. personally, i believe friendship needs a lil effort, no matter how strong the bond is. now, i feel like im hanging in mid-air. you make the choice.

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finally, my manager is back. hurray~! i think im too dependent on her. haha. im happy today cos its friday. i went out for lunch today with jen and 2 new colleagues from the finance dept. im mentioning it only because i have been having lunch in the office for 4 days. after dinner, i met keong, his mum and dad and sheng siong for some marketing.

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saturday morning, keong and i met my bestie for some tennis. keong left for work after the tennis game, while we went swimming and tanning. im like so dark now la. keong says i look indian. :_(

in the early afternoon, i went over to gracie's place. she made tacos. the first time im having the chance to taste my bestie's cooking and it was yummy! too bad lyd cant join us. there will definitely be more laughters with her around cos theres no quiet moment when the cuzies unite. haha. we spent the rest of the day watching "because i said so" and playing mahjong. keong came by for a couple rounds of mahjong before sending me home.

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today, keong came by after work with brunch for the family. thank you~! after brunch and an hour of tv, we went to my mum's place to get my bro's bike. then, we went to tm for a couple of stuff.

-my edc top
-my levis jeans
-keong's new phone, W850i

we only managed to get the edc top and his new phone. there wasnt anything i really like at levis ladies, plus the sales assistant wasnt very friendly. i tried 5 pairs in total, 3 copper jeans - slim and straight and patty anne - slim. i wanted a dark blue low rise straight cut jeans with a lil taper at the bottom. the copper jeans were mid-waist and they didnt had dark colours for the patty anne - slim. =(

i came home after keong went to work. and my aunt have been nagging, about money, credit card bills and the laundry. sometimes, i just want to stay at home and relax. but every time i do so, i get nagged and i'll be asked to do this and that. so the morale of the story is dont stay at home. on nights when im on the lappy, i get nag for wasting electricity bill. i wonder why aunties enjoying nagging so much. maybe i'll know one day, when i become an auntie. haha

loves