e ones who make a difference..

Thursday, March 27, 2008 at 1:10 AM

lonely life

2 more days to 3 weeks of life alone. actually alone is not the right word.. single life. i really hate to say that word and some part of me is still denying that fact, that little voice that screams from within. but i'm accepting the fact, the cruel reality. nothing is fair in this world.

i really have to say that march 2008 is one of the worst month ever. so much happening in just one month, all unhappiness, not just for me but also the people around me. emotionally drained, totally!! never been so emotionally stressed up. but everytime i think i'm on the verge, someone will come along. i really hope the next month will be a better month for everyone. 4 more days!! please pass by soon..

i'm praying hard for each and everyone of my friends that things will get better. i'm sorry if i havent been there, if i wasn't in the right mind to talk, if i said the wrong things.. But do remember we'll always have one another right?

loves

Saturday, March 22, 2008 at 5:00 AM

marking the end

it's 3.52am now and i'm still awake despite having less than 4 hours of sleep yesterday.

yesterday, i was being accused of doing something absolutely immoral and unforgivable, something i will never ever do for as long as i live. reading the msg brought trembles to my body, for hours, until i managed to calm myself down and allow my mind to rest. the early hours of my day was spent at the suites doing housekeeping and at the same time, i was doing lotsa thinking, so much so that i was driving myself crazy. i know i'll go insane if i allowed my mind to go wild. i was emotionally unstable, confused, weak, breathless and i was losing appetite.

i was contemplating to find out the roots of the situation, which i may in turn lose myself or even my life. i thought i really needed to find out the truth even if it means losing my life, at least to prove my innocence. until she told me what to do to calm myself down, which i did managed to.

and my verdict: i've decided to give up. things are getting complicating, too complicating. i know i will hurt myself in the process of trying to get to the truth, which i may not even be able to find out in the first place. it doesnt matter anymore if the whole situation was made up or real cos if someone can go so far to get to what he wants, i think its too much. the truth doesnt seem to matter much anymore. he has become someone i dont know at all. i only want to remember him for who he used to be. and he is probably dead, at least in my heart. for now, i just hope time will heal up the wounds and i'll be able to move on with my life (which is what he wanted).

to you(s) know who you are: thank you for all your support, prayers, advices, words of concern and everything else. i truly appreciate them, from the bottom of my heart. BIG *HUGGIES*

loves

Wednesday, March 19, 2008 at 1:09 PM

first week at RH

its been one and a half week after i started at RH
my reporting and working time has been everything but consistent
8.30am to 6pm, 1pm to 9pm, 8am to 4pm, 3pm to 11pm
it feels abit tougher without the encouragement and support

i'm still trying to get used to shift work. but there were days i just want to lie on the sofa to rest my sore feet and aching back right after i get home. sometimes, i get so tired i'll just fall asleep.

i know i should start to think about what i want in life, my new goals, plans and dreams. but i'm not ready yet. maybe i just dont want to face the cruel fact and i'm choosing the easier way out; to avoid and run away from it.

i hate myself for being such a loser
nothing in life is fair
i'm wishing for a miracle..

loves

Tuesday, March 18, 2008 at 11:33 PM

familiar scent

i smelled a familiar scent
in one of the suites today

clinque happy

if God has a reason for everything,
is it a coincidental or pre-planned?

a smiling face at work
a gloomy face after work

i hate to allow myself to deluge in those thoughts
but every morning and every time i ride
my mind will bring me where i dont want to

i'm wishing for a miracle..

loves

Thursday, March 13, 2008 at 8:45 PM

emo

it has been an emo week

endless stream of tears

heart wrenching

the weather definitely made it worse

cold and lonely

a different lifestyle

a different environment

i'm still trying to get used to

cupid must be on leave

cos there are so many heartbroken people

what's going on??

although i was having flu today

i couldn't stand being home the entire day

i didn't want to allow my mind to run wild

orientation has just ended

tomorrow will be the official first day of work

wish me luck

to my friends who have been there for me

thank you for all your concern

i'm wishing for a miracle..

loves

Saturday, March 08, 2008 at 1:48 PM

shattered

i never thought it would happen

i never thought it would have such an impact on me

i always thought i could be alone

but i am so wrong

i'm totally shattered

i cannot accept it

i cannot live with it

the perfect life that i used to have is gone

the love and care

the promises

and all that we've been through

are nothing but empty words

i hate myself for feeling this way

but all i want is the life i used to have

my hopes, dreams and meaning in life

the life that i was truely contented

you gave me all that i needed

when i feel like i'm the most fortunate

you took it all back from me

but i'll never give up

i don't know what went wrong

i'm wishing for a miracle..

loves