yesterday, i was being accused of doing something absolutely immoral and unforgivable, something i will never ever do for as long as i live. reading the msg brought trembles to my body, for hours, until i managed to calm myself down and allow my mind to rest. the early hours of my day was spent at the suites doing housekeeping and at the same time, i was doing lotsa thinking, so much so that i was driving myself crazy. i know i'll go insane if i allowed my mind to go wild. i was emotionally unstable, confused, weak, breathless and i was losing appetite.
i was contemplating to find out the roots of the situation, which i may in turn lose myself or even my life. i thought i really needed to find out the truth even if it means losing my life, at least to prove my innocence. until she told me what to do to calm myself down, which i did managed to.
and my verdict: i've decided to give up. things are getting complicating, too complicating. i know i will hurt myself in the process of trying to get to the truth, which i may not even be able to find out in the first place. it doesnt matter anymore if the whole situation was made up or real cos if someone can go so far to get to what he wants, i think its too much. the truth doesnt seem to matter much anymore. he has become someone i dont know at all. i only want to remember him for who he used to be. and he is probably dead, at least in my heart. for now, i just hope time will heal up the wounds and i'll be able to move on with my life (which is what he wanted).
to you(s) know who you are: thank you for all your support, prayers, advices, words of concern and everything else. i truly appreciate them, from the bottom of my heart. BIG *HUGGIES*
